My son is in a special education self-contained classroom within a regular grade school. He gets some amount of time – determined by all of us on the IEP team – in the general education classroom during the school day as well. One of the most difficult aspects of this program for me is that he is in a different school than his twin sister. She is in our neighborhood school, which does not offer the program that is available to him at the other school. He is still in our district, but my experience is that the schools within district still do the day to day stuff very differently. It has been very frustrating for me to try to keep up with all the news, requirements, meetings, fundraisers, etc. for two different schools in the same district. I like to feel that my kid is in the best placement for him. But I just don’t know. And I’ll never know. More on this later. I’m meeting someone for breakfast. And it’s bringing me down.
Well, the painting’s done and the girl is all moved back into her room again. It turned out pretty nice, I think and, most importantly, she is thrilled! S and I have had some struggles in her 6 years on this earth, but this is something that I did for her that really feels right. She’s getting bigger, enjoys being in first grade, and now has a room that is freshly painted and ready to be decorated by her. It makes her feel like a big girl, I think. I have no idea when or if I’ll be able to do her brother’s room. I can’t imagine he will tolerate being moved into the guest room for a week. He doesn’t tolerate much out of his comfort zone. And I’m okay with it because I need to not be painting for quite awhile. In fact, I need to take care of myself while my kids are peacefully placed at school right now. It’s feeling good and I hope it lasts. Yes, there are still issues with the boy that worry me, some pretty big issues actually, but I’ve come to the realization that there will ALWAYS be big issues. And we will handle them. I’m also realizing that each issue as it arises seems to be another reason not to take care of myself, or relax. It’s time to get out of crisis mode for awhile. It’s not that easy when you’re used to it. The husband and I are going to a much awaited concert this weekend. That ought to help
Why does it take me a week to do what most people can do in a half day? Painting a kid’s bedroom, that is. I am on Day 5 and finally finished the first coat of the walls. That just leaves the second coat and then the ceiling and all the trim. I should be finishing up by mid October sometime.
I’m not a fan of Costco, or any of the big box retailers for that matter. I often hear folks, moms in particular, rave on about the many splendors of Costco, and I get it. But the place is so totally overwhelming to me that I generally leave needing an oxygen mask, a stiff drink and directions back to my house. So when my neighbor/friend stops by my house yesterday to invite me along with her and her kids, you’d think I’d know better. To make matters worse, I bring my daughter along too. On a Sunday. I know.
We get there and find a parking space around 45 rows or so from the building. After the three mile hike into the place, my daughter and my friend’s daughter immediately start one-upping each other about everything. It is the backbone of their relationship. And they call themselves friends. Anyway, I can’t make light of this. I’m trying to keep my daughter near me pushing the cart, but the other two kids are all over the store grabbing samples and haranguing their mother to buy various boxes of chips. One chooses a box, and the other one instantly protests and picks something else. I’m doing okay at this point, those aren’t my issues. But then my daughter starts skipping away with them, grabbing samples and decides she’d rather run around with them than listen to me. Except something not so great happened. My daughter was holding on to our cart and apparently someone bumped our cart and then our cart bumped into my friend’s daughter and hit her chin. Nothing serious but it apparently hurt. She turned around and thought my daughter ran the cart into her and proceeds to kick my daughter in the stomach — three times. Both girls are crying and there we are. Now, that was the worst of it, but by no means was it easy after that. Somewhere between standing in the incredibly long line and having a drink spilled on my pizza in the makeshift eaterie on site cemented my resolve to never step foot in another Costco. It just ain’t for me. But I left with deeper resentments. Of my friend, and my feeling that she never allows her children to ever suffer the consequences of their behavior. That she very often snags me into the confusing dysfunction of her life at great expense to me. It’s not nice to think this way of a friend, but I am beginning to question whether this friendship is really a friendship. I’m sad, but I’m also angry and feel duped into situations that I would never otherwise allow myself to get into because of this friendship. I gotta mull this one over some.
I was very excited and a little scared when I learned I was having twins. And of course it was just the biggest news in my family for my entire pregnancy. I was quite a star for awhile. The pregnancy went very smoothly, especially considering I had had three miscarriages prior to this pregnancy and I didn’t really expect that this one would go to term either. So other than anxiety, it was a very easy pregnancy. I carried the kids to term and delivered two beautiful babies both weighing in over 6 lbs. We all went home together after three days in the hospital. Then all hell broke loose…
The first day home they both cried all day and all night, and I am not kidding. They never stopped. My husband and I walked those babies all around the house and it was unbelievable. They finally fell asleep about the following daybreak. Two days later my husband informed me at about 3:00 am when I was nursing again that a tsunami had hit the coastal areas around the Indian Ocean killing what might be thousands of people (didn’t know how many yet). He didn’t want to tell me at all but he knew at some point I would probably turn the television on and figure it out. I was in such a daze for so many days. And I am still waiting to get my sea legs. I will describe my children in more detail, but I’m trying to remember what it was like in the very early days, because it was such an incredible shock to my whole being. I had some help. My mother came to stay with us for two weeks, then my sister for a week, then my husband had 2 weeks off before he was beginning a new job. I cried so hard the day he went back to work. Eventually we figured out that we needed to hire some help and thank goodness we were in a position to get some. It is truly amazing how much having those babies really shook my core. I had no idea what the hell I was getting into and how much crow I would be served from all the judgment and condescension I had passed out in the years prior to having my kids. You see, I was 34 years old when I got married. I was a lawyer. I was a planner. I was a glib little bitch with a lot to say about things I knew nothing about. I thought I could control anything that I came in contact with. I was 37 when I had my children. Unbeknownst to me, I had many, many lessons to learn and I am still learning every day. I’m sick of learning. But I got no choice.